Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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