so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
