I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
so that wasnt chicken after all
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
