I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
