Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You are the jesus of drinking
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
