Tell her she can't have a vagina
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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