So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
