if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
