worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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