Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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