mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
