buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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