remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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