420 ftw
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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