maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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