I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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