i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
sex in a hospital.. check
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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