took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
