used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
