No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
