We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
