I faked an abortion last night.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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