I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
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