I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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