I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
