he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
