I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
