so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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