It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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