shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
