I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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