i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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