I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
