I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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