Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
