i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
