Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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