I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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