get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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