my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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