I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
