why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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