woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
