its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
