We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
