For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
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