shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
