Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
