We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
porn star boner night. come get it.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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