Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
