you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I stole a fireplace last night.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
