um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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