yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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