I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
