I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
